It’s fair to say I’ve been an utterly inconsistent blogger in 2011. Oooh, I quite like the way that rolls off the tongue, like a modern-day insult. Feel most free…! Because I reckon I can take it a whole lot better, as 2012 appears on the horizon in another part of the world.
I’ve been battling with a few mini-demons in recent months – nothing major in the grand scheme, but enough to ensure my complete inability to keep those infernal juggling balls aloft. I like to BE organised and therein lies the problem… I’m just not very good at it. At least, not without breaking out in a heavy sweat and appearing frazzled to cinders.
Anyway, I’ve had a mental note for some time to wave farewell to 2011 with a blog post to quash the worst offender – the furore that followed my darling little boy’s 4th birthday party, ruining the memory forever for his mummy, thankfully not him. I felt compelled to write a kind of open letter, highlighting a few of the actual, known facts about what happened (or didn’t happen!) to somehow rid myself of these niggling evils. Yes, it ought to be long forgotten, but sadly, the ‘enemy’ have seen to it that a large number of other mummies/teachers at school know ALL about it, before, in fact, they’d even met us – despite being repeatedly assured that nothing had been said to anyone. That alone makes me so cross. I reassure myself on almost a weekly basis that should these people choose to form a heavily biased opinion of either me or my son, based on a web of hatred and untruths, then they’re not even worth acknowledging each morning and afternoon on the school run. Ergo, no blog post dedicated to such a negative event.
So… a lot of folk like to remind us that, just because the date is changing significantly, this doesn’t indicate our lives following suit. This is, of course, the sad truth of welcoming in a new year. I do, however, believe that a few little resolutions don’t hurt. Even if the only person you share them with is yourself. It’s healthy to create achievable goals and promotes a more positive state of mind for ALL of us. I’ve never kept any of mine, apart from one. And quitting smoking was indeed one of my better moments. But that was 12 years ago and I haven’t kept a single resolution since – because they’ve all been unrealistic or unachievable for me at the time.
I feel bogged down most of the time. I know I’m close to stuck-in-rut proportions on the basis that I have little desire to get stuck into anything else. I work hard to stay afloat and remain semi-organised but at the same time, I feel lazy and uninspired. I eat badly and I don’t care. Well, I DO care, but not right now… if that makes sense? I have consequently weighed up the things that would allow me to feel like I’m leisurely doing backstroke instead of treading water, making the most of each day. These things are:
(a) Keeping on top of the steady flow of portrait photography.
(b) Reading my ever-increasing pile of ‘books pending’.
(c) Embarking on a spot of painting (acrylics on canvas, not walls).
(d) Keeping up with small writing projects.
Yes, that’s right my friends – 2012 will NOT see me making regular blog posts or submitting further pieces of short fiction… or long fiction, for that matter. I won’t be pitching for snippets of copywriting work and I certainly won’t be applying for writing jobs. I’m simply not feeling the love.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I obviously LOVE writing and words and they’ll always remain a passion of mine. But this year, I want to take down the pressure a notch or four. I want to focus my creativity elsewhere and channel it into pictures, art, absorption. I want to put more stuff in, in order to get better stuff out. And along the way, if a few words sneak out then so be it. But they likely won’t and that’s perfectly OK.
In 2012, I am an aspiring artist once more. I will wear what I like, I will experiment more – with colours, food, music. And I will worry less, apologise a lot less. Because I’m not ashamed to be me, dagnammit!
So… may all your tomorrows be better than your yesterdays. And yes, may you all be inspired to achieve the little things in 2012. Happy New Thingy and all that jazz. With bells on.